What Is the Income/Lifestyle of Your “Inner Circle”?
This discussion came up on a physician finance forum I frequently read.
I grew up in an affluent area of our town, and attended private elementary and high schools. I went to State U for undergrad and medical school, and then spent time in two cities (in Texas and back to my home town) for training and life afterwards.
Across those journeys I’ve met a variety of people, and have made close friends at most of the stops (not really elementary school). While my work in the ER means I interact with adults who have living/income situations ranging from homeless to multi-millionaires, the income level of those I socialize with outside of work is not quite as broad.
I’ve never lived in a truly impoverished area, and while my inner circle has a variety of people in it, there is a common thread of education and family, and their income ranges from way higher than ours to well below ours, but probably no one living in poverty.
My wife is from a very small town (the small town outside the small town, I like to say). Her parents worked extremely hard, her father is an engineer and mother a social worker. They did well because of their hard work, and are now early retirees!
I met my wife during college, and while her family had more financial stress during her childhood than I did during mine, they have all done extremely well.
My wife obtained a Master’s degree while working. She’s employed part-time by choice (“choice” meaning she married me and I have a difficult work schedule, and we have three kids, so maybe not entirely by choice).
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Her brother recently finished his second Masters degree, and didn’t start until his higher education until well after enlisting in the navy out of high school.
Our First Circle
During my fellowship we purchased a home in a “working class” neighborhood (I’m not sure if that’s the right term).
Many teachers and policeman and firefighters lived nearby, but so did an architect (who walked in flip-flops to his nearby office every day) and a television/movie producer who has since started his own company (and his son is an amazing hip-hop dancer, and not just for a white boy :). There were senior citizens well past retirement, brand new couples, and everything in between.
We were friends with many people in the neighborhood, and I spoke frequently w/the guys (and many of the gals) on the street, hanging out in each other’s houses, going out occasionally, talking personal stuff, etc.
Living in this neighborhood was a good reminder of how fortunate our financial situation is/was. While we moved their during my fellowship, when we had basically no money, we stayed for 3+ years after training, after I was making an attending salary.
When families were making it work (sometimes struggling) when someone lost a job, when an elderly neighbor needed a ride home from the hospital because he has no one to help him, it gives perspective.
Everyone parked on the street in front of their houses. Cars as a display of wealth were not common — when my neighbor across the street bought a used Lexus hybrid, it was far and away the nicest car on the block (my Kia Sorento with a heated steering wheel was a close second).
Rogue One spent two years in a spanish language immersion charter school that drew students from all across the city and some from the suburbs, including many students/families from impoverished parts of our town. Through this school met people from very similar and very diverse backgrounds, but not many long-term friends.
Movin’ On Up?
We lived in that home for 6 years, but with the pending arrival of Rogue Three, we needed more space. We also wanted guaranteed access to good public schools, as the language immersion school, while incredible in some ways, was also falling short in other ways.
So we “sold out” and moved to suburbia. I went from (probably) the highest paid person on my old city block to one of the lowest in the new neighborhood.
There are a ton of doctors in the current neighborhood. Based on their specialties and work locations, I’m fairly sure I’m the lowest paid of them all. There are of course many other professionals. There are also new couples and retirees and everything in between — just like the old neighborhood.
In the old neighborhood many kids went to private school, usually a local Catholic schools that cost $3-5k. Most did it because the regular city schools are not very good, but also because many believe in Catholic education.
In the new neighborhood, people use the nearby (more expensive) Catholic schools, because they want the religious education, but also use secular private schools that cost $20k/year.
We’re currently in one of the top 5 school districts in the state, so it’s a choice of desire and ability, not as much of necessity. It’s certainly an ongoing discussion of how much benefit there is to private vs. public school education — I won’t delve fully into that here.
The New Guys
One of my new friends has a sports car that may cost 6-figures if new (though he may have bought it used — I’ve never asked). For a long time though, his commuter car was an old looking Toyota. He’s an extremely hard-working, conscientious, family man; his kids and ours have become friends.
A few weeks ago, Rogue Two (age 4) just disappeared from our yard without a trace. He was playing in the backyard, my wife was busy with Rogue Three and I was upstairs changing clothes after work.
I went back outside, and Rogue Two was gone. I ran to my neighbor’s house (wearing sandals) to see if he had gone there without telling us. Annoyingly, he’s done that before.
He wasn’t there, but my friend with the nice car was outside getting his mail. He immediately told me to hop in his car so we could drive around looking for him. We jumped into his sports car and tore off up the hill.
We found Rogue Two close to 1/2 a mile away from my house, at the other end of the neighborhood.
He had gone off in his mini-bike, chasing Rogue One and friends who had passed by on their big-boy bikes. My friend could not have been more understanding/helpful (or provided a nicer ride!) to find him.
Another friend I made lost his job ~13 months ago when his high level position was eliminated by his corporation. He’s not yet gone back to work, but thanks to great savings, he has been to replace his lost income through investment income. I have no idea what his income was or how he invests, but that’s pretty good (his wife does work full time).
He also drives a ~25 year old Mercedes that he lovingly maintains, and a used minivan he bought really cheap and also maintains very well. He has more income than anyone from my old neighborhood, but his family has also saved and invested wisely.
You certainly can’t look at the vehicles or the houses alone to make the measure of someone .
The New School
Through Rogue One’s new school I’ve also made more adult friends (partly because all the families now live near the school, there are more opportunities to interact). I joined an old-man soccer league, met people through Cub Scouts, and in other ways.
It’s not as “diverse” as the old school, but it’s diverse in its own ways.
We set up a table for Pakistan at the recent school culture night — we were in between India and the Philipines. I would say it’s breaking down international barriers, but we were already friends with the parents/kids at both tables. The galab jamun we served were a hit, and I thoroughly enjoyed the vegetable samosas from our neighbors.
I do miss the old neighborhood; distance and time make it hard to keep up. Part of me wondered if I lost something by moving to a more affluent part of town.
I’ve learned is a great deal more variety in suburbia than I expected, though the feel of it is different. People are people — higher incomes may increase happiness to a point, but after that struggles are struggles, reality still sets in, and everyone’s still just getting through the day.
But I think it’s worth remembering that most of us are still only seeing a minuscule slice of the world each day. While no ones inner circle will ever encompass the entire world, we should strive to think outside our own little worlds whenever we can.
I hear you brother. In New Orleans we lived in a diverse area (economically and racially). We hung out on the street with our neighbors. The kids ran around. It was beautiful. We do the same in our neighborhood here, but the diversity is lacking. Instead of discussing what parade we are going to, we discuss what car someone wants to buy…less fun for me, but the reality of wealth….oh well.
Where do you live now? We live in the Fairgrounds and definitely have economic and racial diversity. I know plenty of people who buy larger houses who still live in some degree of diversity (that diminishes with Lakeview, Uptown or Old Metairie). We are thinking about buying a nicer car but are hesitant because it may actually be weird to have a new nice car on our street.
Suburbia — it can be a buzzkill. I’ve met some great people in the new neighborhood — people I am glad are new friends or my kids friends. But the close-knit community feeling isn’t nearly as strong.
The world we live in is wonderful. And there is so much diversity even within each small enclave / community. The world is getting smaller and smaller and as each community interacts with one another, people realize we all share the same humanity.
It sounds like you have an awesome neighborhood. We know who are neighbors are, but don’t spend much time with them. We live in a court and the families within are all over the map from police to investment banking, from teachers to grocery store managers.
It is one of the more desirable places to live as far as location, but schools aren’t that good. Many people use private schools until high school.
There are 3 original families left, we aren’t one of them. We bought in the middle of the last housing run-up and the house is finally back above the level we paid. One neighbor bought at the top and still isn’t back in the black.
When the kids were younger, one of the families use to host movie night on their garage, but that hasn’t happened in a long time.
cd :O)
Chris — I do think we have a great neighborhood, but the only regular interactions happen at the bus stop in the morning. If my oldest didn’t take the bus, I would rarely see other parents. Lots of kids in the neighborhood go to nearby private schools and we basically never interact with their parents. Because I’ve got 2 really young ones that can’t be outside completely on their own, I’m also outside with them all the time. But we’re in a cul de sac hidden in the middle of the neighborhood with no other young kids, so unless we go for a walk I rarely run into other people. But even then I don’t see many other parents out and about.
We are in a suburb with a lot of working parents and kids with lots of “activities” (and of course indoor time), so it’s hardly shocking. I think my old city block was the exception. Lots of young kids of pre-school and elementary school age who didn’t spend every evening in an activity. The houses were a lot smaller so people went outside all the time to avoid going crazy.