What I will teach my son about medicine
This is a new guest post from EJ at DadsDollarsDebts. Tomorrow he’ll be hosting a new post from me on his site.
When Rogue Dad and I decided to post on each other’s site I was excited but left with deciding what to publish. He has quite the deep thoughts on medicine, family, and life. I on the other hand muse on finance, moderatism (or minimal minimalism), and family…I also muse on medicine sometimes. Since we both love family and medicine, I thought I would combine these topics today for your enjoyment. Hopefully be a pleasurable experience for all of you. [Ed: not sure all my thoughts can be considered “deep” — one of my first blog posts was about changing dirty diapers at a wedding.]
So onto today’s post…
What I will teach my son about medicine
I am a doctor. A cardiologist in fact. There are things I love about my jobs. It goes beyond the 10 reasons being a doctor is awesome. Despite something being awesome, there are also things about my job that drive me insane.
The constant button clicking, direct to patient advertising that afflicts us all, important but painful patient satisfaction surveys (a 5 point scale does not convey a true difference in care), and late night calls to mention a few. So while the good is good, the bad can also be bad.
As my son grows up, I find myself trying to model a good adult for him. This includes speaking kindly to and about others, eating healthy, laughing often, working out, charitable giving, and having a positive attitude about work. These things have to be lived by me so that he understands their importance. The last one, having a positive attitude about work, is often the hardest.
I am a rational, but emotion individual. It is one of my assets and faults. I will truly laugh and also truly get upset. Luckily my rational mind can often control my monkey mind (with wanderings to and fro). However, when it comes to an evening call, as I am just getting home or an endless array of charting, I can be obviously and very physically frustrated.
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Often it only lasts for a second, but that second is all it takes to make an impression in my little 2.5 year olds mind. His experience watching me can be a reason he chooses to go into medicine, but I do not want to be the reason he chooses not to go into medicine. So daily I try to teach him what is awesome about medicine. This is how I do it.
Every single day when I leave for work I tell him I am going so I can help other people.
I let him know I would love to stay and play with him, but that I need to help other people feel better. I tell him this every single day and every single time I have to leave him (especially when getting called back to work). It seems to work pretty well and he seems to understand that my job is to help others.
I try and block any sort of visceral reaction to my pager or frustration for getting called into the hospital.
This is harder to do, but likely even more important. After almost 20 years of carrying a pager, it is hard not to jump to that chirping noise. Still I take a breath and try to control my emotions. This is good for my son, myself, and the person on the other end of the phone.
I let him know that going to work is what allows us to live a comfortable life and buy the toys he plays with and the food on our table.
By giving him the reference that my job serves multiple purposes, I hope that it allows him to understand the importance of work.
I have him practice being a doctor.
Before the Tubb’s Fire we had a doctor’s kit (something worth replacing I suppose) and we would practice taking care of each other and his stuffed animals. By him participating in imaginary play, he can understand what I do more clearly. At least clearly for a 2.5 year old.
We come from a line of doctor’s so I also tell him that his uncle, grandfather, and cousin’s are doctors.
That they help people too. I suppose knowing many of his family members are doctors may make him respect the field more.
Simple? Yes. Effective? Maybe.
That is what I do and I am interested in hearing what others do for their children. There are many of us out there who would not recommend medicine as a career choice, but at the end of the day I want my children to decide their paths for themselves. By not being a negative influence, I hope I can give my son the freedom to choose.
Please let me know your thoughts.
[Ed: Thanks to EJ for partnering with us for the month and sharing his thoughts here. We will hopefully have our first in-person meeting in just a few days, as we both head to Utah to attend the same medical education conference.]
I thought as an high paid and high powered corporate engineer who loved his job I’d advise my kids to consider it and two did become engineers. However neither particularly liked the jobs they got so ironically my son went to med school on his own money after being an engineer for seven years and my daughter took a low pay but high security and pension equipped regulatory job with the state environmental department. My equally intelligent summa cum laude business and adult education major daughter resisted my propaganda and was the only one that truly loves her work which is with college athletes. Our kids aren’t us and the odds are their dreams won’t match ours. I’m all for pushing a vocational education mindset like engineer, lawyer, doctor or plumber for that matter but odds are not great of continuing a multigenerational trend like yours. Mine all have brilliant IQ’s and could have mastered any field they chose but none of them wanted anything to do with the corporate world, which I loved.
There was a lot of pressure in my family to consider medicine as a career, however I ultimately chose it on my own (or I like to think I did). My kids are young and constantly shift what they want to do — hopefully they build a work ethic and skillset that lets them do whatever they want. The older two certainly talk about healthcare careers, but at age 8 and 4 that doesn’t mean much. The 8 year old has most recently said he wants to be a world traveler and to climb Mt Everest, so I suspect he will be seeking financial independence at a young age. 🙂
I know a lot of physicians who do not recommend medicine to their children too! I’m not sure what I will teach my (future) daughter about medicine, but it’ll most likely take your approach and talk about my career in a positive light. Because I’m an anesthesiologist who doesn’t have to take home call, at least I won’t be putting her at risk of developing PTSD from those annoying pager chirps 😉
Hope you guys learn a ton and have a lot of fun at Park City! 🙂
Because of my non clinical work I do plenty of work at home, but I do not have a pager They gave me one 9 years ago but lost it 6 years ago and just found it a few weeks ago.
We leave for Park City in the morning!
love that you guys switched places for the month. I enjoy both blogs so it is fun to see this. I don’t have kids yet, so I haven’t made it as far as to how I will teach them about healthcare.
It was a fun crossover — I’ll probably try to do it again in a few months (though not sure with who)
Steveark, interesting how life works. My dad laid this path out for me and there are many days I wonder if I would enjoy something else more. So the debate has to be stability argument versus the individual fit argument…time will tell I am sure.
Dr McFrugal- anesthesia can be tough but has many perks as well. Particularly that when you are off you are off….very nice.
Thanks Mrs. Wow. It was a fun experiment and I think we will both be up for more in the future.
Is it really important to you that your son become a doctor? I have a daughter that is just slightly younger than your son. My wife and I are both doctors in our own healthcare fields (neither of us are physicians).
You and I sound like we have similar temperaments, and I need to do a better job myself of hiding my emotions at times when the job starts to wear on me.
I salute you for making such a concerted effort to be positive around the pliable young mind you have at home!
I do the exact opposite. My kids see all the best and worst medicine has to offer through my daily struggles. They hear me talk about death often, see me get upset when the phone interrupts us. I do the same with our side hustles. My kids have been to more rental showings than they wish to remember.
I don’t disagree with this approach, either. I think it’s very important that kids see both the good sides and bad sides of their parents’ jobs. In this example, you don’t want to paint medicine as sunshine and roses, encourage your kids to practice it, and then have children who end up resenting you for not teaching them about the parts of the job you don’t like.
I’m assuming that the author will eventually get around to being honest about his career with his kids. When they’re toddlers, however, I think raising them in a positive environment is priority number 1.