My wife and I recently had a weekend without our children. In addition to dining at nice restaurants and waking up when our biological clock told us to do so, we did something twice in one day for the first time in a decade: we saw TWO movies.

My wife wanted to see “On The Basis Of Sex,” a movie about the life of Ruth Bader Ginsburg.  It focuses on her fight against gender discrimination in her personal life and professionally.  

A movie about a Supreme Court justice may not seem like a riveting topic, but this is not a movie about the Supreme Court.  This is a movie about struggling, a movie about ambition, and a movie about perseverance.

Before the movie I knew nothing about her past, and only a little about her judicial views (which lean strongly liberal).  You don’t need to be on her side of the political spectrum to enjoy the movie or to learn from it. I’ve spent no time verifying the accuracy of the details of the movie, though RGB herself said it’s quite accurate.

The movie focused on gender equality issues, initially in her personal life.  As one of the first female lawyers to graduate from Harvard, she was judged against the perception that she was taking the spot of a more worthy man.  Despite being top in her class, she was judged harshly as a wife and a mother, being penalized by Harvard for transferring out, and by law firms in NYC for being a woman.

Unable to find work as a practicing lawyer, she taught law until the case of her life was brought to her — a chance to make the law support gender equality by supporting a man who had been the target of tax law discrimination.

RBG is more successful just in the aspects of her life shown in the movie than I will be in my entire life.  In any comparison I am bound to fall short, but that doesn’t prevent me from taking inspiration from her failures and her success.

Had A Bad Day

Watching brought to mind my most recent failures.  A couple days before the movie was a rough one for me.  Rogue Three (age 2 years) had a heckuva fever so I stayed at home with him for the day.

I don’t talk about my day job on this site, but I spend a good chunk of my time working on clinical research. I write grants to try to obtain funding for research, coordinate and design studies, collaborate with other researchers, oversee enrollment in studies, and write manuscripts and try to get them published in biomedical journals.

The research aspect of my job is sometimes (often) more challenging than my clinical work in the emergency department.  While there are no life and death decisions in grant writing and conducting (most) research, it is often more tiring. The next grant, the next study, the next patient are always waiting.  A successful grant begets more grant writing, and a rejected grant does the same.

Bouncing back from constant rejection and never really reaching “the end” requires a deep well of energy and motivation, and also requires balance so it doesn’t become all-consuming.  

While at home with Rogue Three, I received notice of a rejection from a federal funding agency regarding a research grant. I started writing this grant 12 months ago; I submitted it to a government agency nine months ago, and found out last week it was not going to be funded.

Though very disappointed, I can’t say I was shocked.  Research is always a work-in-progress, and grant rejections are part of the business.  While optimism has its place, failure is part of the business. It’s good to be optimistic, but even the most successful of researchers still receive frequent grant rejections (and I’m not the most successful).  Being able to stay motivated in the face of repeated rejection, despite believing in one’s work, is draining.  

Keeping motivated also means keeping balanced — having other things that bring me enjoyment and to which I can look forward.  Family, friends, sports, etc.

Also this site — I started this site almost two years ago (!).  While it still feels/is more of a hobby than anything, it’s also made me realize I have an entrepreneurial itch I want to scratch.  I’ve considered writing a book, starting a podcast, and more.

Well, the same day I received my grant rejection, this site lost the only two advertisers it’s had in its life.  While the separation was amicable (I still have good professional relationships with both parties), it was disappointing in two ways: 1) They did not feel they were receiving value 2) While the revenue was not substantial, the rejection seemed to crystalize my desire to continue to generate revenue through this site (as a reminder, a portion of all earnings goes to charity).

Bouncing Back

So as I enjoyed spending time with my wife, trying to put the recent rejections behind me, watching Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s persistence was a wonderful motivator.  

While my goals are not as noble as hers, and my talent level not so prodigious, the movie made one clear that for her, failure was not an option.  Even when she was actively “failing,” even when she thought did fail her purpose and drive never diminished.

There was certainly no expectation of success — she had many opportunities to fail, and perhaps a high likelihood of failure.  It was not a cliche that led her to win the landmark court case pictured in the movie, nor was it the cliche that put her on the Supreme Court.

While I cannot compare myself to one of the most influential people in United States history, it’s good to have someone to look towards for inspiration.  My failures have brought disappointment but have not diminished my drive. I’ll go back to the well — I am already writing the next grant, and writing the next blog post.  I even had a conversation today to explore launching a podcast.

Looking at the readership on the site, I’ve been surprised as I realized that as my frequency of writing diminished over the past six months for a variety of reasons, the total number of visitors TO the site has slightly increased (not that I was having astronomical numbers originally).  It gives me continued optimism that if I generate product people want, then good things will happen.

So consider this an open invitation — anyone who wants to collaborate with me personally or professionally, I’m here and ready to keep going.